Thinking of sending my own little letter to Nev:
I’m Ashleigh and I have had a relationship with someone online for two years and I think I’m in love. He initially wrote to inform me I had won $2.9 American dollars in the Euro-Millions Jackpot Lottery abroad. I contacted him with all my bank information so they could wire me the money, but he informed me they had made a mistake and I hadn’t actually won, but he consoled me and comforted me through the painful mistake. He was such an angel through that tough time. We had a connection and chatted every single day after that. I had to stop talking to him for a while when someone somehow drained my bank account and I couldn’t pay my Internet bill, but fortunately he understood and was totally there for me once I got a second job to get my Internet back going again! He even told me he would come from Albania to visit, if his dad wasn’t dying of cancer and his family wasn’t in desperate need of money. So of course I did what anyone would do in that situation and sent him $5,000 I’d been saving for my son’s college education. The reason I’m emailing you is because a red flag went up when i got an almost identical email from his email address to my Yahoo account he never knew I had! Nev, am I dating a player who just sends emails to random girls, or is this a coincidence? After 2 years, think this is the real deal, so please help!!
dor·mant- adjective \ˈdȯr-mənt\- : marked by a suspension of activity
Sooooooooo I noticed I have been getting some regular visitors in my blogging absence (hi mom and dad), so I figured maybe I should start blogging again. My old computer juuuust wasn’t cutting it for blogging. My computer that I was so faithful to for the past 5 years, started really punking out on me in its final days. It makes it really hard to do any quality Facebook stalking when your screen freezes up on you at any given time. And then you don’t know where to click or scroll your mouse when frozen on a picture you’re secretly viewing because what if, GASP, you accidentally clicked “like”?! When I heard that an iTunes song download isn’t supposed to take twenty minutes, THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW!*
So I made the switch from PC to Mac. L-o-v-e.
Facebook stalking has never been easier. Do you guys remember the good ole days (2004) when you could pretty much post anything you wanted on TheFacebook, because they didn’t let .doc-blockers like “parents” or “employers” have Facebooks. I do. Now I see 13 year olds with Facebook pages. I can’t help but wonder what some of my posts would be if I was 13 with a Facebook page now…
“OMGOMGOMG that’s sooooo embarrassing that I used to be #teamjacob!!! I was sooo not kewl! Edward is fiiine!”
“Does anyone have any tights that I can borrow to wear as pants to school tomorrow?!”
“Ugh Mrs. Wade sucks, she read my note out loud today in class, and later took away my iPhone, iPad, and laptop!”
ANYWAYS, this is my first official advertisement that I am having a very large Stella & Dot Sample sale (HALF OFF!) at the beginning of next week. It will be here on my blog, sold through paypal, and the jewelry will be mailed in original S&D boxes if you would like to gift them. Flat rate shipping of $5.95.
*first world problems
I’m gonna blame lack of any posts lately on the fact that I hate my computer. I gave it a little boost last year by doing everything possible to make it run faster, but now it’s back to its old tricks. Pretty much everything I do that involves the World Wide Web is done on the 3.5-inch screen of my iPhone, just to avoid any holes in the walls of our new apartment from throwing this slow PC. Sometimes The Tornado lets me borrow my iPad too, which is generous of him. The first thing I’m buying when I win the MegaMillions is a Mac. I guess I should buy a ticket to increase my chances.
So we are in Albuquerque, New Mexico now. Josh is with the Dodgers organization on their Triple-A team for now. When The Tornado and I first got here and we were staying in a hotel in what definitely felt like the ghetto to me, I can’t say that there weren’t tears cried everyday. And I’m not talking about The Tornado. Or Josh. Now that we have moved north and we are all settled in to a nice apartment and we’ve stocked up the wine cabinet, I’m starting to enjoy this place.
My favorite things ABQ-
1. No humidity
2. No moisture in the air
3. Dry air
So yeah, I realize this could be condensed, but I don’t want to hurt Albuquerque’s feelings. I’ll update the list as we live here longer. One thing that caught me off-guard was when I was watching the News one night and one area had a couple of TORNADOES. Ummm… Last time I checked, this isn’t a part of Tornado Alley.
We have been fortunate enough each season to find furnished rentals, so this was the first time I’ve had to deal with renting furniture. I kind of forgot about it until last-minute, so we “colleged” it for a while-
Any Breaking Bad fans out there? It’s filmed here in the ABQ. We’ve totally become the creepers who look up the scene locations online and give high-fives to each other when we successfully drive past it. Don’t judge me, this is the desert, you’ve got to have hobbies or you can go crazy.
Any new rental always comes with new noises to get used to. Ours currently that I’m having a hard time adjusting to are the upstairs neighbors (are they pogo-sticking up there?) and our air conditioner. The A/C makes the loudest noise when it turns on and off like it’s SUCH a hassle to be turning on again or off again. Seriously. It’s your only freaking job. I’ve also taken pride in the fact that I’ve found the PERFECT blackout curtains to make our room a dungeon at night and in the mornings to create an optimal sleep, but this too comes with downsides. For instance, do you know that part at the end of Silence of the Lambs where the girl is in the room with the room with the crazy murderer and he is watching her through night-vision goggles? That is kind of how I feel every single time I have to head to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Thank the good Lord for the bright iPhone screen to accompany me to the bathroom, or I may have had to resort to some crazy things.
Anyways, that’s a little about life in Albuquerque. If there’s anyone out there with good suggestions to do or places to eat here, you know I’d love to hear! SMILE TODAY!
My little guy has an ear infection, which has made him feel like absolute crap with the worst cough ever. We have decided to keep him inside for a few days so he can get better, and also to avoid the mean stares of other parents when our kid is hacking all over theirs. Meanwhile, THIS HOUSE HAS BECOME A PRISON.
Josh has been getting home from Spring Training workouts around 2-ish. He usually takes the reins while I go do something, ANYTHING, that involves leaving the house. We have been watching entirely too many kids shows and movies around here the last few days. Last night when I was juuuuuust about to fall asleep, a Thomas the Tank Engine song popped into my head. It was SO awful you guys.
Anywho, all this at-home time has left me with some quality internet time. I have tweeted more in the past week than I have in all the time I’ve had a Twitter. I’ve returned all my Facebook messages, and stalked everyone I’ve been meaning to. I’ve even Googled some things I’m not proud of:
As you can see, the search starts with Daniel Tosh, then moves on to baseball. Wine and baseball go hand-in-hand a lot of times, as you can also see from the remainder of my search. I should have been working on some of the ideas I have for this good-for-nothing blog, but didn’t. My son’s energy level has affected mine as well, all I’ve wanted to do is lay around with the little guy. I feel like I’m coming down with something now too: fat. I’m coming down with fat. Not looking forward to getting on the scale next week.
Baseball games start on Monday! A lot of teams started today, but not the Dodgers. If anyone needs me, I’ll be the one in the outfield chasing around a very pale 2-year old with a bottle of sunscreen. He seriously looks like a Cullen. Everyone is always all, “why don’t you let that kid get some sun?” Oh, forgive me for being a bad mom by lathering on sun screen. It’s not like we trap him indoors, his favorite place in the beach for heaven’s sake. He’s still stinkin’ adorable though. This was taken this week at an event, and just keep in mind that neither of his parents are tan at all right now:
Anyways, smile today. There are literally TONS of funny things happening around you at every second. Find em.
I’m dedicating this post to the girl on the stair climber in front of my elliptical at the gym for wearing gray ”cheeky” gym shorts and a sports bra for her cardio workout. What are cheeky gym shorts you may ask?
This is a poor example because this girl looks fantastic! She probably runs 10 miles a day and eats a carrot and an Altoid for dinner. Just imagine this size cheeky gym shorts on a, well, NOT this size booty. And for those of you who are runners or avid gym-goers, we all know GRAY is a poor decision for those who sweat a lot. Now picture a stair-climber in front of an elliptical. It is ELEVATED. I was directly behind this at a lower elevation. (See Example A). Now put all these factors together. Uh-huh. I saw things I can’t un-see. I saw things NO ONE should EVER have to see in a gym. I also have a pain in my neck that will not go away from trying to stare to the right, then trying to stare the left for too long.
Let’s just say there was a highly unusual amount of traffic in the aisle between the stair climber and elliptical during this girl’s workout. You may even want to keep an eye out on YouTube, because the fella next to me had his iPhone and was waving his buddies over.
The moral of the story here ladies? Don’t wear wayyyy too small gray panties and sports bras to work out in please. I’m lucky I only left the gym with a neck injury. This girl left the gym with no dignity. NONE. I would guess she showed up with a little bit, but the more she perspired…. Well, you get it. Damaged dignity.
Hope everyone has a great day with a lot of clothes and smiles. SMILE TODAY!
Sooooo my blog got annihilated with spam over the last couple months. I would like to say that’s why I stopped blogging for a while, but in all reality, this blog was boring even ME. It’s not supposed to be an informative blog like a lot of the blogs I visit, it was just supposed to put a smile on someone’s face when they read my posts. I’m still going to keep the stories coming (which will be posted under “Chronicles”), but I am also going to add a few new things just to have a little fun, so stay tuned!
One of my favorite tools I have installed to my blog (by far the nerdiest thing I have ever written) is I can see what people type in to search engines to happen across my site. The things I am about to list are ACTUAL things some halfwits have searched to get to my blog:
1. “smelly fart in japanese elevator”
2. “mexican tranny”
3. “cousins with fupas”
Ummmmmmmm…. WHAT?! First of all, I want to know what kind of person actually searches “smelly fart in japanese elevator”. Has this person been to Japan to witness some kind of extremely foul flatulence in a confined space and is perhaps trying to describe the odor to a colleague? Maybe they were searching for an image of a Japanese person doing the job, because an American fart just wouldn’t do the trick? I don’t know, but what is disturbing to me is that Google actually brought this person to my blog to give him the information he requested. I also don’t know whether to be proud or slightly ashamed that I can tell you exactly which post this search would have brought this person to. As for “mexican tranny”, I still am dumbfounded where on my blog this search led them to. I have nothing against Mexican trannies (one love!), but everyone knows American trannies are where it’s at. The search “cousins with fupas” however, just actually piqued my interest. Is there really a family out there that all have fupas that love postying pics of them on the internet? Did this searcher know something awesome that I didn’t?? I’m not even going to try to hide the fact that right after I saw that, I myself Googled “cousins with fupas”.
We are back from Japan by the way and are in Spring Training in Glendale, AZ right now. We got to spend November and January at our home in Florida, and it was wayyyy too little time. People always ask me if I like Arizona or Florida better. That’s easy for me- Florida! BUUUT, I’m a beach person. I could go every single day and stare out at the deep blue all day long. If you ask my husband, he would say Arizona. It’s nicer, newer, and everything is well-kept. I actually really love Arizona and love my time here. The best part about Phoenix is knowing that a beach is only a five-hour drive west (Cali) and the slopes are only a two hour drive north (Flagstaff).
Anyways, that’s that. Just in case you were curious.
We have a new gym here that is fantastic, but upon entering on my very first day I just knew that I would be gathering a lot of blog posts from there. The guys in our Florida gym are absolute meat-heads, but it’s hard to make fun of them because they don’t try to hide it. They get in the gym and get their workout on, drink their protein drink, and head home. The guys at our current gym are wanna-be meat-heads. That’s the worst kind. For instance, I saw a dude doing a chest and bicep workout (what else?) this afternoon that had to have lasted over 2 hours if I were to have stayed and watched. After each set he would check himself out in the mirror and then talk to every “chick” that walked by until he decided he had showed off enough until his next set. We have all witnessed the wanna-be meat head in the gym. He is the one who has an enormous upper body and itty-bitty legs (and a lot of time sporting a ridiculously too-dark spray tan):
I’m going to take this time make a Valentine’s Day Public Service Announcement for all the straight guys out there: Deep V-neck shirts are NOT ok. Ever. They are SO hard not to make fun of unless you are cutting my hair, spilling all the juicy gossip about your new boyfriend. Please do all the single ladies out there a favor this V-Day and distinguish yourself from your homosexual counterparts by tossing the V’s.
Hope everyone has a great, deep-V-neckless Valentine’s Day. SMILE TODAY!
Sunday evening, Hubbs and I had another one of those “we will start eating really healthy TOMORROW” epiphanies. So of course that meant that Sunday night was pretty much junk-fest. My weakness is ice cream, so that’s exactly what I went and got. While I was at the grocery, Josh asked me to pick up the “multi-colored packaged donuts” on the dessert aisle for him. So, I got my ice cream and waddled over to the junk-food aisle. I had to make myself walk right past the pancakes filled with maple syrup that you take out and eat like a sandwich, and found myself searching for these multi-colored donuts amongst tons of cookies, cupcakes, and other fantastic-looking breaded objects. I don’t eat gluten (I try my hardest, anyway), so I knew I couldn’t be on this aisle for long before I would finally break down and buy myself an oh-so-delicious stomach ache. Four minutes later, and I am STILL staring at all the selections, trying to find the dang multi-colored donuts! At this point I’m picturing like tie-dye donuts, rainbow donuts, a package of donuts where all the donuts are different colors, donuts with awesome colorful icing, psychedelic donuts, donuts that are stoned, and the most logical: donuts with multi-colored sprinkles… Finally I just settle on the chocolate and glazed donut package, knowing that he would be disappointed for not getting the exact ones, but a donut is a donut is a donut. “You might as well be eating a stick of butter!” is what our softball team’s nutritionist told us about donuts one time.
“You got the exact ones!” He exclaimed giddily when I got home.
“Ummm, so wait. You are telling me that you sent me to the store for “multi-colored” donuts and what you really meant was, a regular donut and a chocolate donut?”
“Yes! Thanks babe!”
“Are you seri… Nevermind.”
I just had let that one go. He was just so excited.
I hope everyone has a great day, and sees everything colorfully like my sweet husband. SMILE TODAY!
There’s a really great little cafe near out home here in Azabu Juban in Tokyo. It’s called Eat More Greens and it’s totally a little hippie joint. They serve the most fantastic salads I have ever had, and they only have about 4-5 choices on the menu at a time. Between my love of eating there and the convenient little vegetable stand located behind our apartment, there should be no reason for me not to come back to the states skinny and glowing. Unfortunately for that idea, we are blessed with a Hard Rock, Outback, and TGI Fridays right near us as well. Oh well…
Anyways, today I was eating at Eat More Greens with Hubbs and The Tornado when the toddler at the table right next to us started babbling and communicating with The Tornado. It was really cute. If you will kindly take a look at Exhibit B (photo) above, you will see two tables in the back left corner. We were sitting at the one where the dude with the Gucci man-purse is sitting in the photo.
This toddler Kaden was playing with was at the table next to us was with his French mother and his Filipina nanny, and they both were telling her to say “bonjour” to Kaden. They really may as well have been sitting at our table, because that’s how close these two tables are. I sized the little girl up to be around two years old, and kept saying things along the lines of, “what a cutie!” and “you better quit flirting, Kaden!” A few minutes later, they started their little toddler communicating again, and the French mom asked me what my son’s name was. I told her, and asked her about her child. To this very second, I’m still unclear about what the response was, but at the time it was either Lulu, Louis, or Luis. This is when it happened.
“She is soooo pretty!” I exclaimed, trying to go out of my way to make another parent feel proud.
The nanny and the mom both at the same time were like, “no, this is a HE” and “no, it’s a BOY.”
I. wanted. to. DIE. Josh about choked on his soup trying not to laugh at me.
“I, uhhh… Ummm.. He’s just got such a pretty face that… ummm…”
The mom assured me it was ok, but things got real weird, real fast. I know I was bright red, and I think I almost passed out at one point. I couldn’t eat my meal, I was so embarrassed. I am sure this doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to some of you, but if someone told me Kaden looks like a chick when he is pushing two years old, I would be upset. It’s not like the kid was an infant laying in a car seat wearing yellow clothes! It really takes a lot to embarrass me, but this did it. I tried to make some loud statements that would lead her to believe we are Canadian instead of American, as to not feed into the “dumb American” views the Europeans have of us, but it’s still unclear as to whether she bought it. Plus, thinking back, I probably overdid it with talking about Maple leaves (leafs?) and saying the word, “eh”? Dang.
When they went to the bathroom, I asked Josh if I should apologize again and he told me it was best to just keep my head down and try not to make eye contact. This is hard to do when they are PRACTICALLY SITTING AT THE SAME TABLE. Awkward! Josh tried to reassure me by telling me that in college he just didn’t even call some girls by their names because he forgot their names a lot, so I should probably just not do that anymore……. He actually said that. How that applies in any way whatsoever is beyond me, and why I should not do WHAT anymore? Call babies by the wrong names? I’m still ashamed of some of the curse words that escaped my mouth after this idiotic
statement suggestion of his. Boys are so stupid.
The rest of the lunch, I kept stealing glances at their table wishing, hoping, praying they would eat faster so they could just LEAVE already, but after their meal they got dessert, then tea, then they wanted to chat. All the while I am mortified, and feel awful for giving this French lady some complex about how much of a female their little man looks like.
When they were FINALLY leaving, I was surprised when the mom asked me how old Kaden was. I told her that he is almost two, and found out her little boy was 18-months old. I smiled my most charming smile and told them how cute he is and what a pretty face he has (hoping that would totally erase and replace the whole “SHE is pretty” statement). She then reassured me that he has been mistaken for a girl quite a but because of his *pretty* face and his long curly hair. Whew!
“Have a great day!” I said in my cheesiest, most cheerful voice.
So then I started wondering, if this has happened before, then WHY THE HECK would you dress your freakin’ kid in a purple tank-top and a hang a pink freakin’ bib on his stroller? Yeah, this is totally the mom’s fault! The kid is a year-and-a-half old and looks over two, and you still have people guessing his gender?! MOM’S FAULT! I shot down the idea of buying myself a lunchtime cocktail for all the pressure I’d just put myself through, and inhaled my lunch like I should have when it was first placed in front of me.
Purple tank top… Psh!
Anyways, the moral of the story is: when you have a kid, and he looks like a chick, dress him in some garb with like dragons and dinosaurs and trains and monsters and crap. Probably best to stay away from the PINKS and PURPLES. French people really need to get with the program on gender stereotyping with colors. Whatever.
Smile today Would love to hear some of your embarrassing stories!
Apparently we just had another earthquake here, but I didn’t feel anything. Earthquakes are extremely common here, and I usually “miss” most of them. Maybe I’m just walking around or something and don’t feel the “small” earthquakes, but I get bummed when I hear someone (anyone!) speaking English talking about the earthquake. It’s that same feeling I get when people are recapping The Bachelor Pad episodes on my Facebook, but I can’t chime in, because I’M IN JAPAN AND THEY DON’T HAVE BACHELOR PAD. I imagine if they did have a copy-cat Bachelor or Bachelorette series, it would consist of all the hopeful contestants doing weird game-show crap like jumping through shapes cut out of foam or hamster-wheeling over soy sauce to get a rose.
I gotta tell ya, I LOVE Tokyo. I do. The people here are the nicest people in the world. Everyone is extremely courteous and manners are still important here. Best of all, there is no tipping here! Not at restaurants, cabs, delivery people, etc. etc. But I am really starting to miss America. My mom and dad just left yesterday from a week-and-a-half stay, and when they did I felt pretty lonely. The Tornado is sick right now, he was diagnosed with “Hundred Foot Mouse Disease”, so we are having to stay inside for the next couple days, which is only adding to the loneliness. And by the way, he has Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease, but the doctor had to repeat it four times, then finally show us what she was talking about in a book before we finally got it. Hubbs and I were both secretly panicking, wondering if our American Health Insurance even deals with Hundred Foot Mouse disease. We laughed the whole cab ride home about it, while The Tornado sat silently in a fevered misery.
I’m starting to miss American baseball. I find myself on MLB.com more than I should be, and it’s starting to get pathetic how much I am vicariously living through my baseball wife friends’ final days of baseball season. We would be nearing the end of season here in Japan too if that blasted March 11th earthquake hadn’t pushed it back a couple of weeks. Japanese Baseball has an extremely good league. I have no idea how it would fare against MLB if going head-to-head, but being married to a man whose dream it is to continue to play in the MLB, I tend to think of it as Quadruple-A baseball (AAAA). This is JUST my opinion, and I am sure that I will get many emails saying that Japanese baseball is better than MLB and some saying minor league baseball is better than Japanese ball. The games are WAYYYYY better/funner/more interesting to go to than MLB games, though:
Did you spot the beer GIRL with a mini-keg on her back?! They are so cute! (The beer girls are ok too).
People always ask if Hubbs gets upset after having a bad game. Nope. He doesn’t “bring games home”, and we probably wouldn’t be married if he did. I know a couple of girls who said if her husband/boyfriend/fiance has a bad game, then it isn’t uncommon for them to not even talk until the following day. Ummm, what? I always want to ask how in the world his game-ending strikeout is her fault, but instead I just give her a nod, and what I am sure a face that looks like this:
I do, however tend to be too honest at times which can really set him off. Probably should work on that. For example:
Hubbs: Ugh, I can’t believe that ump called that ball a strike in my first at-bat!
Me: WHAT?! If ”right down the middle” had a bullseye, that it where that pitch was. I mean, umm…. I love you.
Hubbs: Dang, I just missed that pitch. Would’ve been a home run for sure.
Me: Yeah, if “just missed” means “pop-up to the pitcher”, then yes, yes you did “just miss” it. I mean, umm…. I love you.
These conversations NEVER end well. Just sayin’. On a happy, and very unrelated note, I found the *cheap* milk today at 7-Eleven. I can’t believe I’ve been paying nearly $3/liter this whole time, when the $1.50 carton was RIGHT next to it. In the milk section, there are like twenty different little cartons and they all look the exact same, so I guess I was paying for the “Evian” of milk for Kaden this whole time. So that was pretty much the highlight of my day while Hubbs is on the road.
My 90-day Visa entry expires in 3 weeks, so Kaden and I have to leave the country for a day in order to stay in Japan for longer. You better believe we aren’t doing a double-digit-hour trip back to America, so I’m thinking we are going to the closest international city, Seoul, South Korea for a day. I hear it’s pretty safe and that the shopping is good, so we may go give it a shot. If any of my readers on here have any info on Seoul, that would be awesome. Plus any info from these subject is greatly appreciated also: Vulnerable Females Traveling Alone With a Toddler in a Foreign Country, How Not to Get Sold Into the Sex-Trade, and Where to Buy Korean-ish Wigs to Fit In. Thanks!
I hope everyone finds the light in every situation today. May you be blessed with many laughs! Life isn’t so bad . Smile today!
I would like to apologize in advance for this post not being humorous at all in what is supposed to be a humorous blog.
I am a firm believer that the key to a good marriage post-baby is…. wait for it… A GOOD BABYSITTER. And a good reliable bottle of wine, but these two usually go hand-in-hand for me. The first thing on my list when I got to Tokyo was to find a fabulous babysitter so that Hubbs and I could continue to date each other. We joined a club here called the Tokyo American Club, and lots of moms here had great suggestions for babysitters. Also, the “international” supermarkets all have posts for sitters/helpers/cleaners/nannies/dog-walkers/what-have-you… I happened to meet Jona one day in our area when she was dog-walking, and then saw her post at the supermarket. I called all her references and interviewed her twice (yes, a little ridiculous, but this country is foreign to me). So within two weeks of getting here I found my fabulous sitter, Jona.
The Tornado LOVES Jona. When she walks through the door, he runs up to her and hugs her. It’s pretty cute, but also kinda awkward since he doesn’t even run up to me and hug me. Jona informed me that she is Filipina and that she has a 7-year-old boy back in the Philippines. She is here strictly to work, and worked full-time for an international family, but they just moved to Hong Kong. When I asked her what she does, I felt like a real A-hole when she told me she is here to nanny. Duh. She was upset though that she didn’t have a full-time job anymore, and she was hoping she would find a family that would hire her to work full-time. I promised her that we would use her at least once a week, but we wouldn’t have much more for her other than that. I hope you read the part where I said HER SON IS BACK IN THE PHILIPPINES while she is a nanny for other kids here in Tokyo. My heart hurt for her, I can’t even imagine being away from Kaden like that.
So last week when Jona was here, I offered to put an ad up for her at the Tokyo American Club in hopes that someone would give her more work, or that she could find a family.
I called Jona yesterday to see if she could babysit soon, and she told me that she had found a family to work for full-time, so she wouldn’t be able to babysit any longer. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. I was so excited that a family had hired her, I had been praying for her since I met her, but I never really thought about the fact that we would be sitter-less once again. So the process starts again I guess!
SAD DAY. Not really though.
It’s easy to forget what some people have to do to provide for their families. Living in another country from my boys sounds like a nightmare. So of course I am extremely happy for her!
I hope everyone hugs their families when they can. SMILE TODAY!